Pregnancy third time around has taught me so much more than I expected. I feel like if you ever get comfortable enough to think you know what to expect…think again, something or someone will come into your life to teach you that you can never be prepared for everything.
Baby has begun making their presence known with tiny flutters felt when I finally wind down at night and sit still long enough to pay attention. It is always a surreal moment when you feel your babe’s movements for the first time wether it is your first pregnancy or 10th.
In leu of what should be a joyous occasion, I can’t help but find myself feeling guilty, nervous, and slightly on edge a lot of the time. Pregnancy usually is a seamless event, however, that is not always true. There will be others or even yourself in life that do everything right and for whatever reason things don’t pan out the way you had hoped.
I have recently learned about an incredible woman, whom I have greatly admired via internet world, is not going to be able to see her baby’s life through beyond her womb. Learning the news of her babe was gut wrenching. It left me feeling nothing short of heart broken.
With all of my other pregnancies, unfortunately, I had similar situations where I knew someone who had to go through something I wouldn’t wish upon my worse enemy. I go through a grieving phase for them, and then selfishly, (which always makes me feel guilty)…I worry about my own babe and their well-being as well as feeling guilty about being happy when someone else is suffering so much.
Hearing about sad news is never easy, but while being pregnant, where you are more battery-charged with hormones, I am trying to maintain grace under fire and finding it extremely difficult.
While I can’t take the pain away for that woman and countless others…It is my job and I feel my responsibility to squeeze my own babies a little tighter and love on them a little bit more than I already do, (if that is humanly possible 😉 ). I find myself just wanting to make the blessings I’ve already been given known to the rest of the world that I am truly, TRULY honored to be given what I have.
For those who grieve for the loss of their babes…my heart goes out to you all….there is not a bone in my body that doesn’t believe that your pain is ever-lasting and it will take time to find ways of healing the pieces to your broken heart, (though…from having too many friends who have lost their children…the heart never truly mends).
My prayers and thoughts go out to the family of the woman mentioned above as well to all of you mommas who happen to read this post and find yourself in a similar situation <3