Sigh, I didn’t think I would have to confess this to the blogging world. But, when the people you have had cheering you on, on your journey towards big things suddenly find you up and disappeared off the face of the running world; an explanation is needed.
October 9th is the day many of my fellow Nark Running Strategy team mates will be running in the Albany Mohawk Hudson River Marathon. I was on the list of those running that race.
I had the offer to run Chicago free of cost to me. While the offer was appealing, (really really) I was really excited to run a great course along side people that I have befriended and gotten to know well just by having Mat Nark as my coach. So, when the choice between Albany and Chicago came up…there was no contest; I wanted to run a fast, beautiful, small-town feel course with my Nark family.
Ryan and I decided that we would have my mother-in-law come up and watch the boys while we made a trip out to NY for a long weekend; race included.
Training was on track, I was feeling confident, so was Mat. In the moment, it felt like all of my hard work as well as 3 weeks of consistent stroller pushing two very heavy boys around town for double digit miles, would pay off.
I have never lived life thinking of anything being a sure-thing. Running my marathon and everything going according to plan wasn’t any different. I knew in the back of my mind that things could come up or I could fail miserably.
Maybe, it is my inability to believe that things will be seen through the way they were intended creating a self-fulfilling prophecy…or maybe, the universe had other plans for us at this moment. I would rather take the latter.
Long story long, I will not be racing. It has nothing to do with Ryan or I not wanting to make a trip to NY…quite the contrary. But, life has handed us a lot. His job not going the way we intended. Our home selling SUPER fast, and the fact that at the end of the day…I am a mom first and I have to put family above anything else even if that means I have to set aside a running goal to focus on a family goal first. I could have attempted to push on, but at a huge risk/cost I wasn’t willing to take.
Has this changed my ambition and drive with running? Absolutely not.
How is it being a runner who trained really hard only to fall short of a goal race? It sucks, BIG TIME. Social media, Instagram in particular, has been my arch nemesis right now. I am so incredibly happy for everyone around me succeeded in their running endeavors…but, I would be lying if I wasn’t a tad jealous that I wasn’t sharing my own good-fortune in regards to running.
I know that as a runner, we are all going to go through moments of missed races and change of plans. Being in the position of “that” runner has forced me to go beyond only my running victories to enjoying what is going incredibly right in my world outside of the sport.
I believe that running will always be there for me and I am not anywhere near done with facing running goals head on and then some. For right now, I will enjoy not counting the miles I ran or didn’t get to run during a weeks time. I will learn to put the time and energy it took, (which was a lot) toward training into finding our home as well as making sure my boys are affected as little as possible in any negative way as we make a huge transition in our life.
For all of you that are going through similar situations. I hope you find peace in the resolve. I hope you never give up on your dreams with running. Above all, I hope that you have as much love and support surrounding you as possible. Life is a journey meant sharing. Victories, met goals, losses, or missed attempts should never be faced alone. I don’t know what I would do without the support and encouragement from my family & friends. I am beyond blessed to have the love, support, and admiration of my three boys who at the end of the day love me no matter what race I finish or never make to the starting line.
Albany Mohawk Hudson River Marathon, I will be back for you 😉