6 years ago today, I met my little man for the first time. It was a long, tough, painful, and totally worth it trip to get there.
I don’t know about you who read my blog, but I am a birth story junkie. I love hearing how a mom over came the “impossible” and proved to herself that with love and trust she would become a mom, regardless of any obstacle set in front of her…motherhood gave her a super power that led her to the moment when she could hold her little bundle of joy in her arms and utter, “hello”.
For the sake of not repeating myself, the road to getting pregnant with Bodhi was a tough one. Ryan and I tried on our own for well over a year, (try about 5) and just when we were starting counseling for domestic adoption, I wound up pregnant.
Being pregnant with Bodhi was so much more different than Trout’s pregnancy. I felt incredibly vulnerable and afraid of what could go wrong rather than celebrating what had gone right. Unfortunately, I don’t think I ever really let that feeling go and carried it with me up until his birth day.
Before I go into his birth story, I think it’s important to note that Bodhi’s birth day was 3 weeks over due. Thankfully, I had an amazing midwife that trusted that my body would go into labor when Bodhi and I were both ready and so we waited until he decided to arrive…much much later, but exactly at the moment he was supposed to come 🙂 .
The night I went into labor started oddly enough a lot like most nights when I wasn’t feeling well growing up….me nervously knocking on my mom and dad’s bedroom door and sheepishly asking if I could come in. The last little bit of my pregnancy I was living with my parents in MT while Ryan had already moved for his job to ND.
My mom joined me down in her basement. Ryan had come to stay around my due date and decided not to leave me even though Bodhi was really really late…I felt bad for letting him wait around for so long; but, after I tried to wake him telling him I was in labor only to hear him reply, “that’s nice hun” and go right back to sleep…the guilt of him missing so much work quickly faded.
My mom patiently and quietly sat with me on the couch while I labored uncomfortably for the remainder of the night. I remember the only television show on that night was about apes…it’s funny the details that never seem to escape your mind 😉
Morning came and I was just not getting the hang of this “labor thing”. I thought I was far along at this point; boy was I wrong!
Ryan and I showed up at the birth center and found out that I was a “tight 3” and showing no sign of impending birth. I was told to go out for breakfast and come back, “umm, okay….” I said nervously and frustrated.
Breakfast was SUPER uncomfortable. Our poor waitress had to watch me try to muster through contractions. She had an uncanny knack of asking me something right in the middle of one.
After breakfast, Ryan and I both agreed that there was no way I was going back to my parent’s house. We were going back to the birth center regardless of how far or not far along I was. I have a fairly high pain tolerance as well having pretty good endurance…I was tired, in pain, and could not imagine the pain of labor getting worse…silly me, SILLY ME.
The day faded in and out from there. We remained at the birth center. Ryan would leave to take our dogs out to the park, grab a bite to eat, and then come back. I think I tried to watch, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, but was too focused on the fact that contractions were never ending.
Side note: Bodhi LOVED to kick during labor. However, he would always kick at the end of a contraction…sending me into another one….he really didn’t give me much reprieve!
What seemed like eons later…I got to that wonderful part in labor when you beg and plead to go further no more. I remember Ryan lying next to me and me telling him, “screw it. I don’t care anymore about this natural childbirth stuff…I want out”. He sweetly and calmly said that we were kind of committed at that point.
The nurse must have heard me and saw all the other obvious tell-tale signs I was almost ready to start pushing. She suggested I use the bathroom and without going into detail…I had a contraction that sounded like it was turning me inside out, my water then broke, and I was asked if I was ready to push.
Pushing was a God send! Between being in the water which helped take the pain down a notch, knowing that I was close to meeting my baby, and having my midwife and husband..the two people I trusted most in this world at that moment, by my side was all I needed to get the job done. 50 minutes later…..Bodhi was born….they announced he was a boy….I just said, “yup, I already knew”. That day I had a feeling the entire time I was having a boy; momma’s intuition I suppose.
Bodhi was born at 1:24 am…Grandma and Grandpa arrived shortly after, (Ryan texted them that Bodhi was here!)
I am so thankful my dad got to spend this moment with us! I will cherish that forever.
Sweet, teeny tiny, peanut.
I would like to say that we all went to bed and woke up oohing and awing over our new one…but, unfortunately, my labor left me so tired that my body didn’t want to birth my placenta. We ended up transferring to the hospital…having it literally “yanked” out (sorry, TMI), stayed for a bit to make sure I was okay, and then headed back to the birth center to get aquatinted with our littlest addition.
Bodhi, my little man, I sure love you a whole heck of a lot! I would do that 24 + hour child birth over again and again if that’s what it took to make sure that everyday I get to spend it with you.
No matter how a woman gets or wants to labor their babes…it is all a miracle and it is all perfect. I hope to never forget the feeling of that moment when I birthed my baby!
from this teeny, tiny baby
To this big man. Happy Birthday my 6 year old!
when asked how I run marathons…I always say that running for 3 or so hours uncomfortably is always much more doable than labor. Granted, there is a much much better “prize” at the end of labor, (versus a metal…though, they really should hand out one after you pop out a kid 😉 I might be onto something 😉 )…running is just about going internal and using your mental stamina to carry you to the finish line; well, at least, for me.