Well, It’s official…I might be going certifiably crazy.
As most of you read this; you will think, “a new development? I’ve known this lady to be crazy all along”. Between the high I felt from yesterday and ending a killer mileage week to today where I had a less than stellar run/runs along with realizing my limitations are brining on too much stress….no amount of chocolate is likely to bring me back from how panicked I feel.
What am I freaking out about? a couple of things…and really they are trivial compared to more pressing issues in our world…but, again, I am only being real about me and how I process life.
- Wednesday is a big speed work day. I have had a great friend help me out by watching my boys while I go out and attempt to get my “speed on”. So far it has worked out great..I get what I need to get done. However, this coming Wednesday, I have a very scary workout that requires a lot of mental stamina on a great day….However, I have a sick kiddo, therefore I will not allow anyone to watch Bodhi…no need to spread it around….and the weather is looking to be miserable. Did I mention I am encouraged to not do it on the treadmill, (duh duh duh!)
I realize that weather rarely cooperates…but I am expected to hit speeds that I ran on a nice, summer day not a cold ND weather day that could potentially blow me into the next state and snow on me all while I’m attempting to hit past PR paces….I am feeling deflated.
2. My boys and I are headed out on Thursday to see family. I couldn’t be more excited to be with them again; visits are too far and few between lately. I don’t want to miss my scheduled run which leaves me one of two choices; 1. wake up early, (or never go to bed) before I leave….or 2. drive for 11+ hours and try to run after….
Either way, blah! on the way back…I am excited to have my sister and her family coming back with me to spend some time in lovely ND. However, that means that I will literally be running a race and hopping in my vehicle immediately after.
3. My next race is to determine how well I’ve been training. I have never had added pressure to perform for anyone but myself. I am feeling A LOT of pressure! I only wish I had a race before hand to help get out the jitters. At the end of the day, I know that I have to trust in the training, trust in myself, but I’m pretty neurotic…so this is not an easy feat for me.
As I’m sharing all the crazy floating around in my mind…my sweet husband kindly reminded me that I need to chill out and remember why I started training and forget all the other “stuff”. He is always good at reigning me in when I’ve gone off my rocker.
Am I cured from his words of wisdom? Heck No. Hence the incoherent post I leave you with….I’m hoping this crazy feeling goes away.
With feelings of elations (where did yesterday’s feeling go?!) comes feelings of fear, self-doubt, and all the other things that make me wish I could just stay in bed all day watching Phineus and Ferb with my two blondies, (aka my boys). I will most-likely pull my head out of my bum sooner then later…but until then…I might be a little on the dark side.
To hopefully snap me out of my funk quicker…I chose to post this photo of me with my Bodhi. This was taken last summer, I had been training for fall half marathon season, getting plenty of vitamin D from all the sunshine, and loving life….This is my happy place!
I think this another great reminder that when feeling of stress and fear come into play…I have the choice to change my feelings for the better…Breathe….Move on…