Call me odd…but slowing down has been really hard for me! I am used to running at my own leisure…if I was having a tough day a run always seemed to clear my head and get me “back into the game”. However, this week I’ve had 2 scheduled days off from running and you all…I might be on the brink of insanity, (I feel like it is taper week x 100).
I’ve mentioned a couple times that running is “me time”, my “therapy” and I am really starting to realize how true that is for me.
What would I do if I couldn’t ever run again?
Probably go crazy.
I am sure that the OCD part of my eating disorder has never truly left me and running has been a trade off for under eating, (I don’t think I could ever skip a meal again….but skipping a run is HARD).
I’d like to think though…that I am stronger then my disorder and that I really do run for more then the “control” I gain from going out. I say this, because I really truly do love to run, but I know when I need to step back from running and let my body heal. Last year I had mono, (with that came a double ear infection, kidney infection, and strep throat…I was miserable!) I didn’t run for a long time before and after. Did I miss running? heck yes! but I missed feeling good more and running would have compromised my recovery.
I think I am realizing very quickly that with letting go of my running “schedule”…I feel like I am giving up the little bit of “control” I have in my life, (which again is completely silly). I have an obligation to another person as well as to myself that I am going to do this running thing right and that takes a lot more mental stamina then I was prepared for.
You guys…I know…it has only been a week of having someone else call the shots with running…but, I also deal with a lot of unknown variables and my constant is getting a much needed facelift….agh! change!
Rant done! thank you for listening.
Do any of you runners out there struggle with the same demons? I know I cannot be the only one who has a hard time taking a day away from running…or I could i really just be that crazy =)